Necessary Roughness

Often, in my upcoming project, you will see me refer to “the man who prepared me for my husband”. He comes up a lot more than I would have ever expected and even up to this very moment, whenever our interactions inspire me to write something or to behave in a particular fashion, I am mystified at the impact that he has had on my life.

Early on in our dealings with one another he had me listen to a song that still plays heavily in rotation on my Apple Music – Good Man by Ne-Yo. It’s an incredible song, but the one line that stood out most for me was, “tell the truth, tell the whole damn truth, never leaving out the parts I know gon’ upset you”. The lines that follow are equally important, but this line, for me, highlights the necessary roughness of healthy, organic relationships.

It’s no secret that I have a very real issue with liars, but the people who bother me the most are the ones who offer up their lies without rhyme or reason. You don’t have to ask or accuse them of anything, they just start blurting out randomly ridiculous and far-fetched “alternative facts”.

I’ve experienced a few of those people in my life, but it was not until I met this man that I had ever experienced the exact opposite.  Every once in a while, during conversation, and a couple of times in phone calls, out of the blue, he would randomly reveal truths to me. Some, more profound than others, but all immensely impactful.

He was showing himself to me and although, in the moment, it felt like a way for him to draw me closer to knowing him, it turned out to help me better understand relationships overall.

I have always hated the term “LITTLE white lie” and “INNOCENT little fib” because there is nothing little or innocent about either of them. All lies are the same size, though the impact they can have may differ. Either way, our relationships are riddled with these untruths for no reason other than the fact that, in our brokenness, these fabrications make us feel better about not being prepared to face the whole truth. 

There are instances in which we can openly admit that we put ourselves into inappropriate situations given our marital or relationship status, and because of placing ourselves in those positions, unexpected events took shape.  Because it was never our intention to find ourselves in that situation, we will share with our partner ONLY the portion of the truth that they “can handle”….or could otherwise find out whether or not we chose to confess.

So, I can appreciate this man’s sporadic tests of my wholeness.  His periodic pop quizzes about whether or not I could truly handle the elements of relationships that we don’t get to plan for. His telling me truths that I didn’t expect and most especially those truths that I may not have wanted to hear, taught me that I would rather soothe the sting of the truth than to be comforted by a lie.

Your mate is never going to be EXACTLY who you want them to be or do things the way that you feel they should be done, but does the end truly justify the means? Enough so that you would be willing to lie, risking a complete lack of trust in the future?

Everyone likes quoting John 8:32, talking about how the truth will set you free, but with freedom comes responsibility…are you ready??

Follow Me as I Follow God

@RevealingRuth