Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Have you allowed yourself to be paralyzed by what ifs?

The past fifteen months of my life have proven immensely difficult.  I spent 382 days unemployed, but I'm able to look back on that time with far more thanksgiving than regret.

When we suffer storms and drastic, unexpected life changes, it becomes so easy to focus on the shoulda, coulda, wouldas of it all. I should’ve moved faster, if I had, I would’ve found a job faster. I could’ve lost 30 lbs. I could’ve already finished my book. I should've gone to the doctor sooner.

If I let it, my mind could be completely overpowered by a million ‘what ifs’. Instead, I prefer to focus on ‘what is’. What is...true is that I, just like you, am exactly where God wants me to be right now.

As another Michigan winter approaches, I’ve been thinking about all of the references and clichés we use to discuss seasons. In relationships we have “cuffing season” and "wedding season" – as one prepares to give way to the other.  Those who don’t make the transition from one to the other often quote the phrase, “people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime’.

In practical terms, we all have our favorite seasons (mine is autumn) for whatever reason we can muster and the same holds true spiritually. Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 KJV states that, “to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted”...but the most powerful word in that scripture is PURPOSE.

I could have done any of a million things in that 382 days but I did the only thing that God intended…I healed. Not just physically (given that there was a major surgery in that timeframe), but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and even professionally.  I learned more about who I am and what I want in those 382 days than in the whole 35 years that preceded them. I learned to be honest with myself about what matters to me, what I want, and what I'm no longer willing to accept. I LEARNED TO BE HONEST WITH GOD. If I am going to be His hands and feet on this earth, then I have to walk in a way that is not only pleasing to Him, but that is actively pursuant of purpose.

I realized that as Believers, we tend to get tunnel vision.  Because Harvest time is our favorite Christian season, we tend to hone in on the calm OR the storm – but what about the calm IN the storm? Paul says in Philippians 4:11 (KJV) that, "I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content".  As we approach this Thanksgiving, can you say the same?

We focus so much on the peaks and the valleys of life, that we fail to realize - looking upward doesn’t mean craning our necks to see only the mountaintop.

I quote it often, because it’s true, “II Timothy 2:3 NKJV says, “you therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ”. It doesn’t say that you might, it says that you must. It doesn't matter how closely you walk with God or for how long. Valleys are inevitable, and storm clouds are always just over the mountain. Our problem is that in experiencing one, we often fail to prepare for the other, and we are seldom honest with ourselves about either.

When I lost my job, the shoulda, coulda, wouldas had me angry with God, even though my positioning was no secret to me. I took a job for passion and purpose, but I kept it for pay. Dozens of times, before any word of merger or acquisition, I thought to move on and look for something else, but God just wouldn’t let me do it. Whenever I thought to look at a job or submit a resume, I would be nauseously unsettled in my spirit.

God was telling me to be still. 

When my position was eliminated, then came Team SCW! I shoulda applied and kept looking, I coulda found something long ago. I woulda been prepared...but that was the point the entire time. Preparation.

I wasn't worried about money for a good long time.  Not until I found out that I needed surgery and wouldn't readily be able to return to work. That's when I realized that my season of preparation, that my best friend had warned me of months before, wasn't about being financially prepared. It was about being spiritually prepared. It was about finding my calm IN the storm. It was about learning that no matter what state I'm in, therewith to be content, but it was also about learning which of the 'what ifs' to focus on.

There were likely a million 'what ifs' that kept me in that old position. What if I quit and it takes a while to find something else. What if the next position turns out worse than this one or the commute increases, taking more time away from my daughter. What if I quit to write, but no one buys my books. I was craning my neck for the mountaintop and the glare from the sun was blocking my vision.

Once I started to look above the mountain and beyond the clouds, my focus adjusted and my 'what ifs' matured. I started to ask myself the real questions like, what if God had taken me out in any of those three rounds with cancer? What if that lump in my breast wouldn't have come back benign? What if I'd died 16 years ago, back when doctors gave me just 6 months to live?

WHAT IF I LEAVE THIS EARTH HAVING NEVER DONE THE WORK THAT GOD SET BEFORE ME TO DO?

That's the 'what if' that should have you in its grasp! Not the shoulda, coulda, woulda.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Spend the day with your family reflecting on ALL that you have to be thankful for - not just the blessings you've seen, but the ones unseen. Think about what it is in your life that has you paralyzed, then wake up on Friday, boots to the ground, ready to walk again!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Follow Me as I Follow God

@RevealingRuth

Waiting for You

When will you act on the vision that God gave you?

We all know the tale of Jesus’ first performed miracle.  He and his mother Mary go to a wedding that runs out of wine, at which time, she says to him, “they have no more wine”. He responds, “woman, why do you involve me? My hour has not yet come.” Looking upon the servants, she says, “do whatever he tells you.”

This week, I want to talk about doing what God told you.

When I started this blog, the vision of this ministry was clear. After all of the young women I’ve counseled over the years; seeing all those around me who are still so confused about purpose, relationships – how they work and the role they play in laying hold of the promises of God, I just wanted a place where we could break those things down into small, more easily digestible pieces.

I really didn’t have full regard for how this blog would or could fit into God’s plan for my life. I wasn’t thinking about Romans 8:28 and how “all things work together” for my good. I was thinking about your good. As you read this piece, or any other piece that I’ve written/will write. I was thinking about how difficult it can be for us to see ourselves sometimes, until our predicament changes context or is presented from a different perspective.

I have learned and truly believe that everything in this walk with God is about relationship. Not just our relationship with Him, but our relationship with one another.

By looking at John 2 the way that we always have, we can only see the miracle performed. For some people, turning water into wine isn’t altogether inspiring. It’s awe-full to watch, and we may wonder how it works, but it pales in comparison to the very prospect of causing a blind man to see or a lame man to walk.

So, what if I said to you that in re-reading that chapter this morning, turning water into wine wasn’t actually the miracle in that text for me. Again, turning water into wine is important, perhaps even impressive, but for me, what was more important was the spark.

In the same way that for you, this blog is just another blog, for Jesus, that water just became wine. This is where relationship comes in. Jesus didn’t see His moment, his mother did. He caught the spark because she directed Him to it.. She took the first step.

The miracle comes in knowing when to act.

Do you have any idea how many lame men, blind people, and dead things Jesus must have encountered on His journey? Yet, the Bible tells us only of a select few - that’s because the power of the miracle is in timing and the presence of relationship.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about breakthrough and the parable of the lame man in Mark 2, whose friends delivered him to Jesus to be made whole. The miracle in that moment wasn’t Jesus causing a lame man to walk, it was those four men getting their friend to Jesus. You have to align yourself with your miracle and that requires forward movement!  Those four men took the first step necessary to seeing a man who had never walked, take his first step; and that’s the power of Jesus turning water into wine. The wine doesn’t matter, it’s the step that makes all the difference.

Jesus knew his purpose, but felt that His time had not yet come. Without his mother coaxing him into that first step, how long would we have had to wait for all of the many miracles of God?

If you know that the actualization of purpose begins with a single step, when are you going to take yours?

A dream is just a dream until you act on it and purpose is never truly purpose until actualized. How long ago were you told of the promise? Most of you know what God wants you to do, but you won’t move on it. You’ve spent years of your life stuck, planning, and preparing for the promise, waiting for your moment, believing that your “hour has not yet come”, when what we really need to do is act! God wants to see you move. Once you do, you’ll realize that you wasted so much valuable time waiting for a moment that was waiting for you.

Follow Me as I Follow God

@RevealingRuth