Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Have you allowed yourself to be paralyzed by what ifs?

The past fifteen months of my life have proven immensely difficult.  I spent 382 days unemployed, but I'm able to look back on that time with far more thanksgiving than regret.

When we suffer storms and drastic, unexpected life changes, it becomes so easy to focus on the shoulda, coulda, wouldas of it all. I should’ve moved faster, if I had, I would’ve found a job faster. I could’ve lost 30 lbs. I could’ve already finished my book. I should've gone to the doctor sooner.

If I let it, my mind could be completely overpowered by a million ‘what ifs’. Instead, I prefer to focus on ‘what is’. What is...true is that I, just like you, am exactly where God wants me to be right now.

As another Michigan winter approaches, I’ve been thinking about all of the references and clichés we use to discuss seasons. In relationships we have “cuffing season” and "wedding season" – as one prepares to give way to the other.  Those who don’t make the transition from one to the other often quote the phrase, “people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime’.

In practical terms, we all have our favorite seasons (mine is autumn) for whatever reason we can muster and the same holds true spiritually. Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 KJV states that, “to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted”...but the most powerful word in that scripture is PURPOSE.

I could have done any of a million things in that 382 days but I did the only thing that God intended…I healed. Not just physically (given that there was a major surgery in that timeframe), but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and even professionally.  I learned more about who I am and what I want in those 382 days than in the whole 35 years that preceded them. I learned to be honest with myself about what matters to me, what I want, and what I'm no longer willing to accept. I LEARNED TO BE HONEST WITH GOD. If I am going to be His hands and feet on this earth, then I have to walk in a way that is not only pleasing to Him, but that is actively pursuant of purpose.

I realized that as Believers, we tend to get tunnel vision.  Because Harvest time is our favorite Christian season, we tend to hone in on the calm OR the storm – but what about the calm IN the storm? Paul says in Philippians 4:11 (KJV) that, "I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content".  As we approach this Thanksgiving, can you say the same?

We focus so much on the peaks and the valleys of life, that we fail to realize - looking upward doesn’t mean craning our necks to see only the mountaintop.

I quote it often, because it’s true, “II Timothy 2:3 NKJV says, “you therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ”. It doesn’t say that you might, it says that you must. It doesn't matter how closely you walk with God or for how long. Valleys are inevitable, and storm clouds are always just over the mountain. Our problem is that in experiencing one, we often fail to prepare for the other, and we are seldom honest with ourselves about either.

When I lost my job, the shoulda, coulda, wouldas had me angry with God, even though my positioning was no secret to me. I took a job for passion and purpose, but I kept it for pay. Dozens of times, before any word of merger or acquisition, I thought to move on and look for something else, but God just wouldn’t let me do it. Whenever I thought to look at a job or submit a resume, I would be nauseously unsettled in my spirit.

God was telling me to be still. 

When my position was eliminated, then came Team SCW! I shoulda applied and kept looking, I coulda found something long ago. I woulda been prepared...but that was the point the entire time. Preparation.

I wasn't worried about money for a good long time.  Not until I found out that I needed surgery and wouldn't readily be able to return to work. That's when I realized that my season of preparation, that my best friend had warned me of months before, wasn't about being financially prepared. It was about being spiritually prepared. It was about finding my calm IN the storm. It was about learning that no matter what state I'm in, therewith to be content, but it was also about learning which of the 'what ifs' to focus on.

There were likely a million 'what ifs' that kept me in that old position. What if I quit and it takes a while to find something else. What if the next position turns out worse than this one or the commute increases, taking more time away from my daughter. What if I quit to write, but no one buys my books. I was craning my neck for the mountaintop and the glare from the sun was blocking my vision.

Once I started to look above the mountain and beyond the clouds, my focus adjusted and my 'what ifs' matured. I started to ask myself the real questions like, what if God had taken me out in any of those three rounds with cancer? What if that lump in my breast wouldn't have come back benign? What if I'd died 16 years ago, back when doctors gave me just 6 months to live?

WHAT IF I LEAVE THIS EARTH HAVING NEVER DONE THE WORK THAT GOD SET BEFORE ME TO DO?

That's the 'what if' that should have you in its grasp! Not the shoulda, coulda, woulda.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Spend the day with your family reflecting on ALL that you have to be thankful for - not just the blessings you've seen, but the ones unseen. Think about what it is in your life that has you paralyzed, then wake up on Friday, boots to the ground, ready to walk again!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Follow Me as I Follow God

@RevealingRuth