Becoming Butterflies

If she has to do the work of becoming, why shouldn't you?

Today, I was watching an episode of “Married at First Sight” and I was reminded of why it is one of the few TV shows that I actually watch. It was reassuring to see one of the experts – Pastor Cal, championing one of my primary views – there is no such thing as FALLING in love!

Listening to a woman talk about how she’s ‘waiting for the butterflies’, I realized just how much this new-age microwave mentality bothers me. Attraction is important. I would never deny that, and so is chemistry, but neither of those things is love. Love, like change, doesn’t happen in an instant and never without effort.

It was very ironic for me to see this episode today, after catching up on some of my YouTube saves. For the past few years, I’ve saved sermons to my YouTube, to listen to during my commute. Because my commute is significantly shorter than it used to be, I’ve gotten behind in my listening. Attempting to catch up on some of the videos and seeing people’s various responses to the content, it struck me how much people seem to absolutely loathe the process of becoming.

I recall some time ago making mention of the fact that the word ‘aspiring’ is no longer a thing. There are no aspiring actresses, models or entrepreneurs. People wake up now and just decide that they’ve become whatever they desired to be. A girl with one photo shoot and 1,000 followers on Instagram is a model. A guy screen prints a hundred t-shirts and he’s an entrepreneur. No one has any interest in the process and work necessary to becoming.

As we crack the seal on yet another year; as I am confined to at-home workouts or overcrowded gyms for the next 6 weeks, it occurs to me how much our relationships progress and pass away like New Year’s resolutions, and for the very same reason – an utter lack of dedication and consistency.

Compare YouTube sermons where two equally popular ministers did New Year’s videos, one titled, “A Year of Harvest” and the other, “The Year of Becoming” …guess whose video got the most likes. They both had hundreds of thousands of views, but people were only interested in liking the message about harvests. It never occurs to them that harvests take work! You cannot glean what you have not planted and carefully managed. No one wants to do the work, but everyone wants the reward.

So, here I am, watching this girl talking about how she’s “waiting for the butterflies”, when it dawned on me that people don’t even realize how hard it is for caterpillars to become butterflies!

Ephesians 4:23-25 asks that we be renewed in our mind; that we put on the new man; putting away lying, and speak truth to our neighbors, but how can we be honest with our neighbors if we won’t even be honest with ourselves?

We romanticize the very idea of anything tied to our growth or progress. We want to look like we’re #Winning, so everything has to happen right now, as we desire it, in the blink of an eye. It took 6 years to gain 60 pounds, but if you don’t lose it in 6 weeks, you completely give up! Your boyfriend cheated constantly your entire relationship, but because he never proposed until now, he must be a changed man. You are therefore mystified when he strays in your marriage.

Let’s be clear, I am not one of those folks who think people can’t change. I am one of those people who feels like real, lasting change takes work. Just like our relationships.

LOVE IS A CHOICE.

MARRIAGE IS A FULL-TIME JOB.

RELATIONSHIPS AND LASTING CHANGE TAKE WORK.

Focusing on all that is wonderful about being in love will get you just as far as the treadmill that you use as a clothing rack, or the gym membership you’ve had for years and never used twice.

We think about big, elaborate weddings & honeymoons and the sheer joy of being chosen, without ever giving regard to what comes next and lasts …or doesn’t last… forever.

You CANNOT expect change to happen by sheer osmosis. It’s time to DO THE WORK! You’ve been a caterpillar for as long as you can remember, waiting for life to happen TO you. It’s time for all of us to dedicate the proper effort to enjoying the journey of becoming butterflies.

Follow Me as I Follow God

@RevealingRuth