Confession – I haven’t always been the best communicator in my past relationships. I’ve had arguments in which I focused more on winning the disagreement than seeing the other person’s point of view. I’ve had exes tell me how they feel and had their feelings go virtually ignored because my not understanding their feelings prevented me from effectively processing their words.
Because I am now aware of this, a large part of my wholeness and growth journey has focused much on communication. Today it occurred to me that as adults, the majority of our day is spent deciphering language, yet we still fail to see the importance of sound communications in our relationships.
I am somewhat famous for my Shan-isms mostly because I most often use language literally. If I say to you, “I have no idea how to respond to that”, don’t expect a response. If I say, “I am officially done with this conversation”, don’t be surprised if I leave you standing alone, arguing with yourself.
So, as I think about the way that I use language, it led to heightened curiosities about how others use language, today, most specifically, the term ‘break up’.
I have seen lives completely turned around by ending ridiculous and unhealthy relationships. I will never forget, a few years ago, a friends’ adult son left his relationship and when his mother asked about [who she thought was] his girlfriend, he replied, quite evenly, “she got hit by a bus”. When the mother remarked that they’d broken up, he responded, “nope, I’m good”. She was baffled. I was proud.
In that moment, he proved that he understood language affects the way that we respond to the events in our lives. The Bible says that the POWER of life and death is in the tongue, so why don’t we understand that we give things power by the way that we verbally refer to them? This young man was saying, that relationship was broken, I’m NOT!
The more I study, the more I counsel, the more I explore my wholeness and the journey that is life, I realize that I will never have another break up. I will have friendships, partnerships and relationships that will inevitably end, but I will never break up again.
Webster’s dictionary defines break up as “the act or instance of breaking up”, which is to say, “to end a romance; ceasing to exist as a UNIFIED WHOLE”. How many people have you witnessed functioning as a UNIFIED WHOLE, who ended their relationship? It doesn’t happen! People end relationships because of a failure to co-exist as a solid, stable, healthy unit.
The bible says in Ecclesiastes 3:1, “to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven”. To say that two people broke up would imply brokenness and thereby a need for repair, but most often, the end of the relationship isn’t the break, it’s actually the fix.
We have to stop allowing language to trick us into attempting to reconcile volatile and otherwise unhealthy relationships. You cannot fix what was always inherently broken. So, going back to or even mourning the end of unhealthy relationships will never serve your highest good.
No, your ex doesn’t have to be hit by a bus in order for you to heal, you just have to understand that God’s purpose for your life and the level of wholeness necessary for you to actualize that purpose is far greater and more important that that relationship.
Remember, ‘to everything there is a season’, so dig up those roots! Glean whatever you are meant to reap from that season and go plant closer to your intended harvest! Some lessons taste more like medicine than sweet nectar, but that doesn’t mean they can’t bear fruit. When it’s over, it’s over. Do what you need to do for you. Focus on moving forward, being whole, healthy and focused on your future, not your past!
Follow Me as I Follow God
@RevealingRuth
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